WHO AM I?
TRAUMA & MINDSET COACH, EDUCATOR, SPEAKER, PODCAST HOST, PURPOSE DRIVEN BUSINESS OWNER &
I WAS ONCE YOU....
Hey, I’m Candice
I am dedicated to guiding you to having secure relationships with yourself & others without anxiety.
Let me share a little bit about my story..
I grew up in a very toxic environment in London, UK. I score 10/10 on the childhood ACES trauma test, which means I experienced all forms of trauma & abuse before the age of 10 and was heavily rejected & abandoned by both of my parents. I don’t have any siblings.
As you can imagine, I struggled with poor mental health & low-self worth.
I didn't know it then but I had an anxious attachment style and that impacted my relationship with myself & with others.
I got married at the age of 24… because they showed me some kind of love & affection which was something I was missing.
Even though there were some good parts to this story, it was also not a healthy relationship and reflected my childhood, as most of our adult relationships do.
My anxious attachment showed up as:
I was very dependent on them
I looked to them for my opinion & identity
I was heavily lacking in confidence and relied on them to do things for me like making phone calls even... I wasn't the person you see today.
I played the fixer & saver to them and even though the relationship was toxic, I couldn’t leave.
I eventually did find the courage to leave, with very little of myself left but with a determination to rebuild myself & that's what I did. For the first time ever, I felt like I was finally living for myself. No longer trying to fix & save anyone else, I was pouring into me.
I thought I was healed & over my childhood trauma's but unfortunately, that wasn't the case.
After some time, I went into a 4 year relationship with a fearful avoidant attachment style (I had no idea at the time, I didn't even know I had an anxious attachment style).
They had some wonderful traits that were different to what I had experienced in my marriage & overall the relationship was healthier but the relationship was still a reflection of my childhood, not believing I was worthy of commitment, being prioritised & not believing I was truly wanted.
My anxious attachment showed up as:
I was very anxious overall
I kept myself available for them
I waited for them to text first for reassurance
I over-analyzed everything, all my conversations with friends was about them
I suppressed my needs, the relationship was on their terms as I was so scared to lose them
I worked very hard to make the relationship work, they were all of my focus
We would have regular conflicts because we weren’t on the same page, I thought I was ready for more commitment (in hindsight I was not, I was also emotionally unavailable as anxious attachment) and we were both triggering each other. When conflict would arise, they would leave nearly every time and I would turn into an anxious mess, I couldn’t control myself… I would beg them to stay just to soothe me.
Anyway, after working so hard for 4 years for them not to leave me… they did, calling me ‘CRAZY’.. Ouch!!
It was the right thing to happen & due to my abandonment wound, I never would have. I was addicted & in the anxious & avoidant trap.
This was rock bottom! I knew I wasn’t crazy but I sure did feel it.
I worked hard for years to overcome my childhood trauma but this was the missing piece that needed healing.
I finally realised I wasn’t crazy… I was anxiously attached, suddenly, it all made sense.
From that moment on, I was dedicated to healing the wounds of my anxious attachment style & reprograming my patterns & mindset to a secure attachment style, which I am happy to say I have:
I put myself first now completely without guilt
I have healthy attachments with others without anxiety
I don’t fear being alone at all
I love myself - like I really do
I feel so secure in who I am & in all my relationships
And now, I have had the pleasure of working with so many incredible clients to guide them to overcoming trauma & feeling secure in them & their relationships too.
As well as connecting with & supporting so many souls like yourself on my platforms through my content.
This is my souls purpose, I am sure of it. My super power is that because I experienced so much trauma, I am able to really understand you like most can't, I have the capacity to hold space for you like most can't and most of all, the ability to guide you to finally seeing you.
It took me over 20 years to self-learn how to heal & feel secure and now I teach that exact process in months in my programs, as I don’t want ANYONE to have to experience the years of pain & mistakes I did.
And no need to, when I have the method that actually works!
Thank you so much for letting me share my story with you. If you relate to any of it, feel free to let me know. I love connecting with you.
To hear more about my story, listen to this episode on the F*CK TRAUMA PODCAST